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  • Writer's picturePenny Muller


When we integrate all desired aspects of self, we become whole and authentic.

The word 'integration' keeps coming up lately, so I thought I would share some thoughts around it. I just came back from three nights at the Sunshine Coast, which happened because a group of women who I met at a spiritual retreat wanted to catch up for a dinner. I was the only one who didn't live nearby, but I was so happy that they hoped I would be able to come. It was very humbling to be told that the reason I was so wanted was because I was a rare example of a whole, authentic and integrated person. Although, of course, this is not quite true - I am a work in progress, it certainly has been my ongoing intention, and I view almost every situation as an opportunity to work on achieving this. I'm not sure that I can easily define integration in this context, but I see it as being open to exploring a wide range of aspects of self and gathering them and assimilating them to form some kind of order so that they reinforce and strengthen each other and therefore ourselves as a whole.

I believe that I came into this lifetime with almost an inability to be inauthentic. Regardless of my sense of self at any particular time, I felt unable to play roles that did not reflect parts of me. Although I have struggled with being assertive and setting boundaries, I have been fairly impervious to peer pressure and generally refused to do things that didn't feel right for me. I was easily aware of whether people acting noticeably expressively or 'differently' were being authentic, so I never confused expressiveness with authenticity. If rules made sense to me, I followed them, and if not, I found a way around them. The other night, I was told that most people appear to be playing roles defined by their careers or motherhood, and I think this is totally okay as long as their behaviours are not governed by fear. Fear is protective, so it is necessary and a gift, but it also shows us where we are out of alignment. The only thing to be done with fear is to look it squarely in the face. Often it then dissolves quite quickly, and the more it evaporates, the more clarity we have regarding our true dreams and desires.

There will be some dark nights of the soul on the road to integration. We must remember that the light illuminates when the shadows are removed. We must understand (or innerstand) that the light within us is bright enough to remove the darkest shadows. Humans are powerful beyond measure. Once we become unafraid of our own darkness and of the darkness that might be lurking around us - physical or astral, we are able to build the capacity to supercharge the world with our light. As I go through the world, I now visualise my body filled with light, which I use to envelope all those I see who are in pain or fear. A few weeks ago, I felt a strong calling to revisit Melbourne, my home for eight years, and spread light to help it heal from the trauma of the past three years and the clearing of dark energies that necessitated it. I told my aunty, who lives in Melbourne, that I just wanted to give Melbourne a big hug, and she thought that was very sweet. Everywhere I went, people smiled at me and talked to me. When the light is integrated within us, it is visible to the world, and people are drawn to us.

As I continue on my inner journey, I feel more and more joy for living. It feels like being in love, but with life. Everything is a miracle. The clouds have messages for me. Animals and birds seem to connect with my soul. Signs and synchronicities appear everywhere. I feel that my angelic family are assisting me from other dimensions to clear the path as I am walking it. Life flows and opportunities present themselves. Integration means assimilating the learning that comes from these opportunities and experiences - making it part of us. I am also hearing that this is a time for integrating past/other lives - bringing them all together and acknowledging them as part of us, before we ascend to the fifth dimension. I have been learning about some of mine. Some were surprises and others were as I assumed they would be. I felt that my trips over the last couple of weeks would catalyse some understandings of past and current lives, so I stayed present and open and carried a journal with me to receive messages from spirit.

As expected, I stumbled upon one of my past lives while I was in Melbourne. I felt drawn to the museum, and in the History of Melbourne section, there was an exhibit depicting a bustling, slum area of the Melbourne CBD called Little Lon, which was once a tightknit immigrant community filled with notable brothels and opium dens. I squeezed into a replica of a tiny slum dwelling with a crowd of primary school children and felt chills through my body. A boy said to me, ''It's spooky, isn't it? Someone died in here''. In my final healing/clearing session on Friday, I asked for confirmation that I had lived in Melbourne, and discovered that, yes, I had been a Greek immigrant with a wife and children who sold vegetables at a market in Little Lon. The information that was channeled was in line with the descriptions in the museum - that the people were happy as they shared what they had and helped each other, difference was celebrated, and there was little want for more. I was told that I was drawn to Melbourne in my current lifetime because of the people - their freedom, self-expression, and acceptance of many nationalities coming together to coexist.

In my five healing/clearing sessions, I learned that I was a first responder in World War Two, pulling wounded soldiers from the battlefield to safety, and that I had severe PTSD which has impacted my nervous system in my current life. Also, that I am well on the way to achieving full healing from the ''catastrophic damage'' from that lifetime. My connection to the WW2 era - the music, movies and fashion, has always been beyond that of any other time period. I also learned that I have been a healer multiple times, and that I had to hide myself for years before I was found and burned as a witch. This led to an underlying program of not feeling ''free to be me'', which was carried on to this lifetime. In another life as a healer, I worked to stop the spread of leprosy with alternative treatments such as plant medicines. I also died of leprosy in one of my lives, worrying over having to leave my children alone due to abandonment by a partner, so I have brought with me to this life a concern with not having enough time. I discovered that I was the most desired courtesan in Paris at one time, groomed by my aunt, who was someone I have been strongly connected to and admire in this life - and that in this lifetime, I can take the opportunity to more strongly integrate the magnetic powers of the feminine that are available within me. I discovered, also, that I have had many lifetimes in France as a performer and in artistic pursuits. Knowing about my past lives has enabled me to break free of some of these residual patterns and develop stronger compassion for my challenges and downfalls in this lifetime, and to consider new aspects of self to explore.

To me, the process of integration is to discover, acknowledge and accept all aspects of self - all of which are acceptable and part of our soul's authentic journey. Then, it is to decide the aspects we wish to utilize, and in which ways. To me, it is about being more intentional with life and self, becoming more than we thought was possible and releasing behaviours and fears that are not serving us. It is about overcoming and becoming more resilient and realising that we have strength and courage that we had not known we possessed. It is about self-care and allowing ourselves to receive so that all needs are met - our needs for love, safety, nurturing, and purpose. When all this is being done, and we become more whole, we begin to have love to spare - love that is overflowing. This is when we are able to show true empathy - levels of compassion and forgiveness that provide healing to ourselves and can be seen and tangible to others. The path to integration is not a selfish journey. It is innate and integral to our soul's evolvement and ascension.

Integration is a basic law of life; when we resist it, disintegration is the natural result, both inside and outside of us. Thus we come to the concept of harmony through integration. Norman Cousins

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