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  • Writer's picturePenny Muller

To the Depths

Updated: Apr 4, 2023

We must go to our depths to find the light.

On the weekend, while exploring Mount Tambourine, I found myself at the entrance to the Witches' Falls walking trail. While not in my plan, I decided to follow it, unsure of how long or steep it was or how

safe it was to walk alone. Although this is a type of walking I haven't done for years, narrow and treacherous, I was confident in my ability to navigate it. It was deep, dark and muddy, and the sounds of birds were often stopped by the sounds of falling bark. It was eerie and mysterious, but beautiful, and as I neared the lowest point of the 1.3km trail downwards, I found that I was not alone. Others were adventuring alongside me. When I reached the end of the long trek upwards to the road, to the sunlight, my legs buckled beneath me, but my shoes were somehow clean of mud. If we are not afraid to traverse the path to our depths, we will emerge freer. It might feel as if the path to our depths is never ending, but we will always return to the light, perhaps battle weary, but safe and whole. The mud from our depths will not stick. It will fall away.

Close your eyes and walk with me, back to the years that came before, back to early adulthood, your teenage years, and your childhood. See yourself and your experiences with clear eyes. What do you see? And, more importantly, what do you feel? How did your early experiences affect your life as you grew older? How are they still affecting it now? Go deeper. Sink into those feelings. Is there anger there? Yes, there almost always is, but anger is a step towards healing. Fear has a lower frequency than anger. The fear of going to our depths will prevent us from reaching a higher frequency. It will hamper our ascension. Refusing to allow ourselves to feel the anger that is bottled up under the surface is denial of our true feelings, of our real experience. Denial is fear of the truth. There is never a need to fear the truth. The truth will set us free.

In the second Sex and the City movie, Charlotte has a child who is constantly crying and upset. Because she has longed for a child for many years, and because she recognises how fortunate she is to have two little girls, she hasn't allowed herself to complain or acknowledge to anyone that she is unhappy and struggling. When Miranda encourages her to share her feelings, she still resists, feeling that she must acknowledge gratitude only. Miranda continues to encourage Charlotte. ''You can tell me. I'm a mother too'', she says. I see similar scenarios playing out around me, particularly with people who are spiritually aware and working on self-growth. We believe we must feel gratitude and empathy only. In truth, the human experience is more complex. We can feel appreciation for the abundance we have received, but still wish for more. We can feel empathy for the challenging experiences our parents have had, but still feel anger for the ways in which they have hurt or limited us. Freedom from the anger is available, but we need to own it before we can release it.

There's a weird, manic energy from people who are in denial. Like Charlotte, ''Oh yes, I'm happy, I'm so lucky to have these beautiful girls!" This overhyped energy is palpable to those who are paying attention. The energy is clearer than the words. We are not buying it. When we are honest with ourselves and we are honest with others, we feel safe with ourselves and others feel safe with us. When we acknowledge our ''humanness'', others can relate and forge strong, deep connections and bonds with us. It is very difficult to connect with someone who is operating under denial. Denial causes disconnect and cognitive dissonance, as words and actions don't align or make sense to others. We are all in this human experience together. There is no virtue in struggling on alone.

Although the spiritual path is to ascend in vibrational frequency or density in order to experience higher dimensions, those who have followed it come to understand that the only path is through. We all have moments of blissful connection with nature, with Source - high vibrational moments - but if we are still carrying pain or fear, these will be moments only. Energy cannot be created or destroyed so it must be transmuted. If we choose to evolve, we must take responsibility for transmuting our pain and fear. Understanding and acknowledging the ways in which our past experiences have impacted us will enable us to take the necessary steps towards healing. I know from experience that a new lightness emerges after pain is felt and acknowledged. Depending on the depth of the pain and fear, it might be some time before we can fully heal. The sudden realisation, sometimes months or years after the acknowledgement of the pain, that we have released pain and fear, is the most incredible feeling, and it produces the most intense gratitude. Suddenly we realise that we are no longer sad, no longer angry, or no longer in pain. This happened because we trudged through the mire, strong and courageous. This is the holy grail, the treasure within. Now we can do more and be more. Now we can more fully align with our divine mission and highest desires.

Let yourself feel the anger for as long as you need, as often as you need. Hold and comfort your inner child and tell him or her what he or she needs to hear. You are now responsible for parenting any aspects of yourself that were not parented. Feel empathy or compassion for others as part of your healing but start by being compassionate to yourself. When you are fully healed, compassion and forgiveness will come easily. These are high-vibrational states and cannot be forced. They must happen organically. Remember, there is no other way but through. We are much more than the sum of our experiences, but our attachment to their stories stops us from embodying our full potential. Take these processions into the depths as slow as needed, nurture yourself with self-care during every moment, but allow your true emotions to come to the surface. Confronted in the light of day, they are not as fearsome as we might imagine. Within, we have the skills and the tools to manage them. We have a right to feel them. If they are coming to the surface, they are real. View them as information and welcome them as gifts for healing, as cherished catalysts to transformation.



A friend sent this video to me yesterday and it makes sense to include it here for inspiration for inner work.








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